Where do I start?
I have so many regrets surrounding the whole divorce - things I could have/should have done differently. If I am truly honest with myself, I have been in this space before. It feels all-too-familiar. Every time things get to the point of finality, I find myself in a panic mode, clinging to the only thing I have ever known in my life: Ray. He is my life preserver - or at least he used to be.
I may have acted to hastily in demanding my divorce, but in the end - regardless of the outcome, I still feel in my core that it was the right thing to do. Especially when it comes to the consideration of what my kids have gone through. They have witnessed some serious fights between Ray and I, and that is unacceptable.
I want to put on a brave face, and act-as-if things are exactly the way I want them to be right now. But things aren't. They are exactly the way they are supposed to be, at this moment in time. That is uncomfortable for me.
In retrospect, I have all of these things that I wish had been different. If I could rewind my life and do it all over again..... I would change almost everything.
I would make time for sunsets, and moonlit walks. I would sit, and just hold him - in the silence. I would have been more patient and loving. I would have made sure that just the two of us had gone away to some exotic destination - sans children. I would have forced him to go to ballroom dancing lessons.... Mostly, I would have appreciated him for the man he was, and stopped trying to make him into the man I thought I needed. There are other contributing factors to the demise of our marriage - I can't take sole responsibility for it.
It does take two.... to tango.
I have so many regrets surrounding the whole divorce - things I could have/should have done differently. If I am truly honest with myself, I have been in this space before. It feels all-too-familiar. Every time things get to the point of finality, I find myself in a panic mode, clinging to the only thing I have ever known in my life: Ray. He is my life preserver - or at least he used to be.
I may have acted to hastily in demanding my divorce, but in the end - regardless of the outcome, I still feel in my core that it was the right thing to do. Especially when it comes to the consideration of what my kids have gone through. They have witnessed some serious fights between Ray and I, and that is unacceptable.
I want to put on a brave face, and act-as-if things are exactly the way I want them to be right now. But things aren't. They are exactly the way they are supposed to be, at this moment in time. That is uncomfortable for me.
In retrospect, I have all of these things that I wish had been different. If I could rewind my life and do it all over again..... I would change almost everything.
I would make time for sunsets, and moonlit walks. I would sit, and just hold him - in the silence. I would have been more patient and loving. I would have made sure that just the two of us had gone away to some exotic destination - sans children. I would have forced him to go to ballroom dancing lessons.... Mostly, I would have appreciated him for the man he was, and stopped trying to make him into the man I thought I needed. There are other contributing factors to the demise of our marriage - I can't take sole responsibility for it.
It does take two.... to tango.
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