December 7, 2010
Such a whirlwind....
It has been a traumatic and chaotic year, with its share of ups and downs. Now, it is a time for planning, and prioritizing.
All of the events of this past year have taught me valuable lessons - and had I not experienced them, I would not appreciate where I am today. I have made progress by leaps and bounds. I feel solid in my growth, and grateful everyday for all of my blessings. I am not saying that it is easy, by any stretch of the imagination, but it is definitely getting easier.
Ray and I have been divorced for a little over four months now, and it is still hard. When we were just "separated", there was still a bit of safety. I was still cared for, loved, and provided for. My things were still mine. I guess it hasn't quite sunk in yet that it is over. It's not necessarily a bad thing - just different (as I always say).
Christmas is going to be strange. In my mind's eye, I see the remnants of Christmases past, and am foggy-eyed and nostalgic over the memories. There were good times in there - of course. In twenty-five years together, there sure were. In a lot of ways I miss him. He was my protector, my provider..... He was chivalrous, and sometimes gentle. Enough of that. I need to write - and if I focus on him, I will get nowhere.... I digress.
So this Christmas, I get the girls for the evening of the 24th, and the morning of Christmas. For that, I am grateful. I am just a bit stressed over how to go about decorating, shopping, and cooking for the holiday when I am full-time caregiver for my parents. That alone is enough to wipe a person out completely. I will just have to do the best that I can.
